You’re So Old Jokes part 1

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So you need some material for a birthday party or an office your so old joke roast. Well here are some “you’re so old jokes” to get you started! Here are some more when your done.  Your so old, your not reading this your watching murder she wrote.  You’re so old this is still called a blog.  Your so old, you probably forgot the last joke you just read.  Get it, because your so old.  I know all of you are funnier, cause I’m so old.  So use the comment section below and show the world your skills.

Your so old your first car was a covered wagon.   Your so old George Washington cut down your Christmas tree.

You’re so old, you have hieroglyphics on your driver’s license.  Your so old , the first airport was the wright brothers.

You’re so old, the key on Ben Franklin’s kite was to your apartment.  Your so old, your family tree starts with you.

You’re so old, you walked into an antique store and they kept you.  Your so old you bought your first car from Fred Flintstones.

You’re so old, when you were young, rainbows were black and white.  Your so old, your watch was a sun dial.

You’re so old, you have an autographed Bible.  Your so old , there’s fossils at your wedding anniversary.

You’re so old, the candles cost more than the birthday cake.  You’re so old, you burp dust.

You’re so old, when you were born, the Dead Sea was just getting sick.  You’re so old your phone number is 7.

You’re so old, your social security number is 1.  Your momma so old, her zip code is 00001

You’re so old, you birth certificate says “Expired” on it.

You’re so old, you owe Fred Flintstone a food stamp.  Your so old, you lived on Asgard. Thor joke

You’re so old, you knew Burger King when he was just a prince.

You’re so old, the movie “Jurassic Park” brought back memories.

You’re so old, you have a picture of Moses in your yearbook.

You’re so old, when Moses split the Red Sea, you were on the other side fishing. Yelling, hey were fishing over here.

You’re so old, you DJ’d at the Boston Tea Party.  Your so old that your first job was to help invent fire.

You’re so old, you went to an antique auction and three people bid on you.

You’re so old, if you were a car it would be time to roll back your odometer.

You’re so old, I asked to see your birth certificate, and you handed me a rock.

You’re so old, you went to school before they had a history class.

You’re so old, when you read the bible, you reminisce about the good ole days.

You’re so old, the candles cost more than the birthday cake.

You’re so old, your blood type was discontinued.

You know that you’re old when your wife says, “Lets go upstairs and make love,” and you answer, “Honey, I can’t do both!”

You know that you’re old when friends compliment you on your new alligator shoes when you’re barefoot.

At your age, the porn you bring home is “Debby Does Dialysis”.

Damn your so old, I’ve seen stale raisins with less wrinkles.

At your age, you don’t care where your spouse goes, just as long as you don’t have to go along.

Your mom is so old, at her age flowers scare her.

At your age, “Getting a little action” means you don’t need to take any fiber today.

At your age, “Getting lucky” means you find your car at the grocery store.

You’re so old, an “all-nighter” means not getting up to pee.

Your so old you don’t know the recipe for ice. Burn!!!

Your so old your first cell phone was a walkie talkie.

You’re so old -
Your first Christmas WAS the first Christmas!
Your birth stone is lava!
Your birth certificate is a scroll!
You’ve used Preparation A thru G!

Your so old you still drive a stage coach to work.  Your so old you where at Jesus’s wedding.  Your so old Your dishwasher was a pet dinosaur.

You’re brother so old I told him to act his age and he traded his car for a wheel chair.

Your so old you got your mail with a carrier pigeon.

Your so old that the reason you switched from the republican party to a democrat was because you were against slavery

 

Well I hope you enjoyed these “you’re so old jokes.” Looking forward to reading some of your jokes in the comment section below. If you would like to read part 2 of you’re so old jokes follow this link!

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Posted in Jokes
25 comments on “You’re So Old Jokes part 1
  1. Donnie says:

    Your so old that Galileo sat on your lap and learned.

  2. Donnie says:

    Your so old that historians went to you to find advice.

  3. chilly billy says:

    Your so old your zip code is 00001

  4. bob says:

    You’re so old, your high school picture is chiseled on a cave wall

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